Can Stress Affect Children?

If four people affirmed you and one criticized you, which are you inclined to believe?  

Studies have revealed that in American homes an average child receives ten negative or nonaffirming statements for every positive or affirming statement.  In school, where teachers are taught to know better, an average student receives seven negative or nonaffirming statements for every positive or affirming statement.  A study wanted to find what it would take to erase the effect of just one negative statement, and it found that is took at least four affirming statements on average.  If four people affirmed you and one criticized you, which are you inclined to believe or at least think the most about?  No wonder most people struggle with a poor identity and a negative sense of worth.  Your stress affects your children.

A 17 year-old drove a great distance to talk with a counselor.  He had never met a girl who had so much going for her.  She was cover-girl pretty and immaculately dressed.  She had completed 12 years of school in 11 years, graduating near the top of her class.  As a talented musician, she had received a full-ride music scholarship to a Christian university.  Her parents had given her a brand-new sports car for graduation.  Few people have been endowed with so much.

After 30 minutes of conversation, it was easy to discern that her external presentation did not match the insecurities of her internal world.  "Mary," he asked, "have you ever cried yourself to sleep at night because you felt inadequate and wished you were somebody else?"

Tears started to form in her eyes as she asked, "How did you know?"

Most people will never be a part of the jet set, be a corporate executive, win a beauty pageant, play professional sports or achieve something considered significant by the world's standards.  We tend to buy into the negative side of the worldly success formula where appearance, performance and status equal acceptance, security and significance.  We cannot compete with those who are more talented or gifted, so we give in to the system.  A high school student was asked, "Suppose there's a boy on your campus who has a frail body and matted hair.  He stumbles when he walks and stutters when he talks.  He could use some help with personal grooming, and he struggles to make average grades.  Does he have any hope for acceptance, security and significance?"  He thought for a moment and answered, "Probably not."  The world's system of measurement can be quite hostile, even in the best of countries.

We see the effects of this system all too often played out in our schools.  When Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris took the lives of a teacher and several classmates, they were part of the school's trench-coat mafia, exemplifying rebellion against the system.  The enderscored their defiance by dressing and behaving in objectionavle ways.  Their actions suggested that they did not want or need anyone's love, but in actuality they did--as we all do.  This kind of disenfranchised segment of society has been growing since the 1960s.  Those who sought to beat the system were their nemesis.  Bullied and badgered, they finally snapped, as have several others on high school campuses around the nation.  Everybody loses in the end. 

Our identity and perception of ourselves is programmed into our minds as we respond to the natural order of the world system.  Renewing of our minds does not happen overnight and it does not come naturally.  There is not a delete button that erases all the old tapes that have been recorded throughout our years of natural development.  When it comes to our kids, it is up to us to teach them, affirm them, uplift them, and give them the tools to overcome.

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